I've been wanting to write about what God has shown me through a major trial my husband and I have been facing for about 5 months. It has taken me a while, because I've avoided it and didn't see what good it would do to blog about it. However, it's something that I have been sanctified through and want to glorify God through, so now I'm going to share!
5 months ago my husband lost his job. Not a big shocker to most of you, but a big one to me! The day he was laid off we were expecting him to finally get the raise his immediate bosses had promised for months! I thought Josh was kidding when he told me he didn't get the raise, but instead was asked to pack his things and leave that day. No two weeks notice, no compensation, just pack your bags and go. I was immediately angry, bitter, and extremely worried about what had happened and what we were going to do.
I knew that the two of us could live off my income as a teacher, but for those of you who were unaware, at the time we were taking care of Josh's younger brother for reasons I won't explain here. That's 3 mouths to feed, gas to drive him places, as well as us, and other expenses.
I'd like to say that my reaction that first day ended with me accepting this trial and trusting that God had a plan, but unfortunately, it didn't. In fact, it went quite the opposite and I'm glad it did. It was through Josh losing his job, that I realized just how much I didn't trust God to provide for us and just how much I worried! I was a wreck and not even Matthew 6 could comfort me!
A month later I started discipleship with a woman from church I've known for about 6 years. She immediately confronted me about my sin! She told me I had to get it out of my life for good! She made me look up as many verses on worrying as I could and meditate on them daily. Then she printed some off (10 pages worth) to be exact and it took me 3 hours to go through those! Through all of this, I realized that worrying was extremely dumb and that if God had written about trusting Him to provide that many times in the bible, then there's no reason I can't believe and trust Him!
I immediately surrendered our finances to my husband and decided from then on that that is a major cause of my worrying. When I look at money/bills, etc. and have to pay them all I get overwhelmed and can't seem to stop from worrying or getting anxious. My husband gladly took them over as he could tell it would help me! I'm sure I drove him CRAZY with my emotions about how we were going to pay bills, etc.
Over the next few months I picked up a tutoring position twice a week to help come up with some extra money. Then I just purely prayed and trusted God. Our church family stepped in and amazingly surprised us with some donations that we weren't expecting! My mom gave us groceries on occasion. Talk about the love and provisions of God laid out before us in a way I've never experienced before! The love from the people at our church just showed me even more how much I can trust God at His word when He says he'll provide! I do want to mention that throughout this entire trial we have continued to tithe 10% first. I'm not saying that to boast, but to show that I truly let go of my worry to give God from my pay first, knowing full well that we may not have enough money to pay the bills. Throughout this entire thing, we've only used our credit cards once. One time to fill up our car with gas. That's it! Unbelievable!
So, I say all that because I want others to know, who may struggle like I did, that God is an amazing God who provides for His people! I would not change the fact that Josh lost his job ever! I am so thankful he lost his job, because it forced me to face my biggest sin/fear head on and put it behind me. I'm not saying I don't struggle with it anymore, just that it doesn't consume me anymore! If Josh had not lost his job, I would not be as close to God as I am today! I would not have victory over my sin of worry. I would not be as thankful for what God provides our family! Praise God He broke us through this trial! I'm still amazed it's still going on, but God will provide Josh a job soon! I know He will be faithful to provide what we need! After all, His word guarantees it!
